Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Torn Between Heaven and Here

I felt you just now. . . as I took a breath I caught a scent of your sweet little bodies. I love you. I miss you. I wish that I could see heaven in my dreams to watch you. When the Lord does give me visions of you, I always see your silhouettes wiggling or dancing together. You still bring me joy in my sorrow, the thought of you brings a smile to my face. I wish you could be here to laugh and dance with your silly sister. She is so fun and I see both of you in her. I think that her smart, focused side is you Jonathan. And I think her naughty, push boundaries side is you Edwin. You were both so beautiful and I see you Jonathan in her big eyes when she looks at me when I'm telling a captivating story. When she laughs in pure joy I see you Eddie. I know that she is a miracle from God, I am blessed to have her. Our family photos will never be complete without you but we will be happy. For I know that I will be complete one day with you in heaven. As a mother I feel like I will honor you if I honor the Lord, because He is the one who chooses whether or not I am fit for heaven. I love my Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding of why you had such short lives because He is in control and I will trust him for my future with or without you. I love you every second of every day, because I love Jesus every second of everyday. When I am in the presence of Jesus I am in the presence of you because you sit at his feet to hear stories of Noah and Abraham and Mary... What a blessing it is to know Jesus. I am glad he's raising you and loving you and has you perfectly safe until I can hold you in my arms forever. Blessings to heaven this morning; for you and to make me feel more complete.

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